Current mood:	pessimistic
Current music:	family members sleeping

I meant to update sooner. Tried to actually, but I got almost finished and ready to post when I was kicked offline. I was so mad that I haven't wanted to try again since lol.

So, I got a car today! My first car! Its a 1990 Volvo 740. Red, 4 door, automatic, with a sunroof. It was only $300 because it had been wrecked into a school bus. But its ok! It just needs a little love...and about $500 worth of body work. By the way, anybody know any cheap towing services?

On a more depressing note, love. Why can't you just turn it off? How do you make it go away? Somebody please tell me. I'm so desperately in love and it hurts more than anything I've ever felt. I just want to stop caring so much about him, you know? He really wants to be my friend. He wants us to be close. I just. Can't. I honestly think that would kill me. He knows how I feel about him. For his sake, and mine, I wish I didn't feel this way. I know it must be hard on him too. It can't be fun to watch someone pine over you. Its just awkward. God, all this that I'm writing doesn't even make sense and there is so much that I can't put into words. Its just blinding pain. He cares about me, but not the way I want him to. I accept this. So why do I still have to be like this? When does it go away? Everyone tries to help, and I appreciate it so much, but no one really fully understands. This will go away someday, right? It has to.

If anyone reads this, leave a comment. Its nice to know you aren't alone it the world, yeah?

Ta.